Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Two Week Wait Symptoms

J and I are doing the dreaded (and yet wonderful) TWW again.  As always I suddenly notice I have every pregnancy symptom in the book and am 100% sure I'm pregnant (probably with twins).  Then, of course, I realize that I'm crazy, none of what I'm feeling is a pregnancy symptom at all, and I better not get my hopes up because they will just be dashed.

So just for fun, here are all the symptoms I've been "feeling".
(Real on not?  you decide,)


Only 2 days after ovulation, and I'm feeling exhausted.  I'm falling asleep at my desk, feeling a bone-tired weariness.  I spend a Sunday that WAS supposed to be full of productivity, laying on the couch, eating, and watching TV.  The weariness continues throughout the week.  I need more sleep.  When I fall asleep, I am dead to the world (except for the two times a night I get up to pee, see below).  No more restless nights for me!

  • This MUST be a sign of a child.  A tiny adorable parasite sucking up all my energy as it tries to take up permanent residence inside my uterus.  How can it be anything else???
  • Of course, I have been so busy at work that I haven't been getting my usual amount of sleep.  And we're down to only 8 hours of sunlight here in the interior, which means that everyone is getting used to waking up in full darkness.   And Vitamin D has become scarce.  Sleepiness is a norm, not the exception, at this point in my life.  

Thirst and Frequent Urination:

Suddenly I find myself drinking all the time.  I'm always thirsty.  I stop halfway through my 10-minute ride home to guzzle some water.  It is not enough.  I easily drink 10 cups of (caffeine-free) tea during the workday.  Of course, all this tea-drinking comes with a price:  Every hour, on the hour, I get to use the facilities.  I think even my boss, who is a very stereotypical man when it comes to noticing subtle clues, has realized that I may be going to the bathroom more than normal.

  • We all know that hCG causes urination.  And the need to add four more lbs of blood takes a lot of water.  
  • I may have mentioned I live in interior Alaska, where the temperatures have recently dropped below freezing (for the next 6 months or so).  This means that the air is DRY  (cold air can have 100% humidity, and still hold less water that normal warm air).  When the air gets this dry, and we turn up to heat to heat our houses (drying up that air too), everyone becomes thirsty.  Your skin gets dry, your body can't hold on to moisture, and you better drink up or prepare to lotion up every five minutes.  In fact, just do both if you want to survive.  All that water will make you pee more, it's kind of how the kidneys work.


Starting 6 days after ovulation, and I'm feeling sick anytime I get thirsty, don't eat for too long, or think about anything that I find gross.  Driving in the bumpy Jeep almost makes me gag, as does the site of the dirty dishes from last night (who I am kidding, they're from three nights ago).  I take care to constantly drinking something soothing, lemony, or gingery.  I am also never more than two steps away from a snack source.  There is a taste in my mouth that makes me feel like I have actually thrown up (though it has not gone that far yet).  I get into the habit of brushing my teeth or using some mouthwash every time I eat, which is about every 30 minutes.  My dentist would be so proud.

  • Clearly, random nausea MUST be a sign of pregnancy.  It's not like nausea is a symptom you develop for no good reason.
  • Though I suppose "good reason" could be: too much cheese, I ate a bad fish, eating leftovers that have been left on the counter overnight...  All right.   There are other causes.  Plus the nausea mostly went away after a few days...  Shouldn't it have gotten worse if I'm actually pregnant? And to be fair, I'm prone to a little nausea every now and then.  Usually when cleaning the kitchen, and having to deal with gross food. 

Crying at nothing:

And by nothing I mean everything.  Cute cat story?  Check.  Wonderful birth story?  Check.  A birthday card with a baby animal?  Check.  Anyone helped anyone else and I heard about it?  Check.

  • Weepiness is a well know symptom of pregnancy.  All those crazy hormones inside you make even the most level-headed woman break down crying when confronted with the cuteness of a puppy, or the terrible thought of loss.
  • Unfortunately, those same hormones can be a trigger for a period to start and could just be PMS.  As someone who once cried over a bicycle on the road at her desk at work due to PMS, I really can't count this as a pregnancy symptom.  


Two days ago, when I came to bed, J looked at my chest and said: "Have they gotten bigger?"  Enough said.  I didn't notice a thing, but if my husband thinks something is up, something is probably up.  Now I keep peeking down my sweater at work wondering if I can notice them getting bigger...  Hope no one is looking.  They hurt if I poke them.  The more I poke, the more tender they are.  And yesterday, I put on an old strapless bra, and the girls practically jumped out...

  • Bigger boobs!  It's what they do when you get pregnant, getting an early start on the making of baby food thing.  Growing makes them tender, hence the girls are telling me that we are all pregnant.
  • It's possible I was just having a good boob day.  And I don't think you can count the girls as being 'tender" if I had to poke them to get them there.  As for the strapless bra thing, my girls need real support.  They always pop out of a strapless bra.  It's why I hate strapless bra's and will wear them only if the outfit is REALLY cute, and the bra straps destroy the whole look.


I have absolutely NO idea.  No conclusion can be drawn from the 'evidence' other than I'm obsessed.  Guess We'll see when I test in three more days!

Monday, October 17, 2016

A Miscarriage Momento

I want to say I thought long and hard on how to remember the life we lost, but that would be a lie.

 The weekend I was miscarrying, I had friends visiting.  We went to visit the Santa Clause House in North Pole (I live in Alaska, it's a thing you do even in July), and I found something perfect to remember him by.  A small, delicate star, carved out of a birch burr.  As soon as I entered the store I knew I would find something there.  Christmas is my all time favorite holiday, and as soon as I found I was pregnant, I started planning Christmas with the little one.  All the fun things we would do and the memories we would make.  It was a no-brainer that a Christmas ornament was the right thing for me as a memento.

Now that we are trying again, I'm thinking a lot about that little birch star.  I remember how smooth and friendly it felt in my hand when I first got it.  I remember how pretty it was.  I remember how Alaskan it was.  We've always joked that by having kids up here we'll be making sure (as if you can make sure of anything regarding children) that they would be Alaska tough.  So it was just perfect, or as perfect as a memento of such a tragedy can be.  Now, I wonder if I'll be buying a second one before Christmas...

I've been reading a bit about rainbow babies, and the stress you feel after a miscarriage.  I truly appreciate it now.  I'm in my TWW for the first time since the miscarriage, and I'm alternating between being excited, trying not to get my hopes up, and worrying that it will all go wrong.

I did a little research into what other women have done to remember their unborn child.
If you are looking for something of your own, here are some popular ways to remember:


Rings, necklaces, and bracelets are all popular ways to remember a lost child.  Some are homemade, while others are store bought.  I noticed a lot of pink and blue, as well as angel wings.  They are a beautiful way of holding your loss near you, but allowing you to choose which days you will have your momento with you.  If this interests you, there are many wonderful and classy jewelry pieces to choose from:
Military Mama Musings -  Miscarriage Remembrance Jewelry

Etsy Mommy of an Angel Necklace
DIY Believe washer necklace
Pink and Blue pregnancy loss awareness
Miscarriage Affirmation Bracelet
Angel Wing Ring
Born unto heaven footprint


For those women (or men, after all, a pregnancy loss can affect both parents) who want something permanent, there are quite a few beautiful tattoo ideas to remember a pregnancy by.

Military Mama Musings - Miscarriage Remembrance Tattoos
Miscarriage Tattoo Gallery 


Many people decorate their home with little statuettes and knick knacks.  If this is your style, there are beautiful and tear-jerking objects available to help you remember a pregnancy.

Military Mama Musings - Miscarriage Remembrance StatuettesMiscarriage Memorial Stone
Baby Angel
Willow Tree Guardian
Precious Moments (Discontinued, but wonderful)

Christmas Ornaments

Like me, many people find the holidays to be the right time to remember.  In addition to simply going out and finding an ornament that speaks to you, like I did, there are many ornaments available specifically to remember a pregnancy.  They are both sad and wonderful.  Some of these are meant for adoption, but I think they are perfect for miscarriage too.