End of a Miscarriage

I've been writing this post for a week weeks now, and even so, I'm having a difficult time putting down my thoughts.  Maybe because this is such a significant moment.  Maybe because it's less significant than I want to make it out to be...  I'm not sure.  

Last week my doctor called with the news.  After a month of spotting, bleeding, spotting, more bleeding, etc, My hCG levels are now "undetectable".  I can't believe it took a month for my body to get back to normal.  Except, that it really doesn't feel normal.  I feel sad.  And a little scared to try again.  I know this is supposed to be normal, but I'm so worried that it'll happen again and again.

My body does feel more normal.  I've had one more 'period', which of course wasn't a period at all.  But it does seem like my body has gone back to status quo.  I'm working hard on not checking any of my fertility apps since I don't think I could stop myself from trying again so soon if I knew.  Our doctor wants us to wait as month or two before we try again.

One of the positive things I got from this is the absolute realization of how you can plan for absolutely nothing when it comes to children.  You can't plan on when you'll have them, on their gender, on their personality, and on what they'll choose to become in the future.

Maybe this was just a valuable parenting lesson after all?