I am pregnant?

This week I've done something I've never done before:  I've taken a pregnancy test and hoped it came out positive.  It turns out, however, that life is just not that simple.

This all started a year or so ago when my husband (J) and I had our big wedding.  We traveled to Chicago, said 'I do' in front of our friends and families, danced, had some cake and a generally good time, and came back to Fairbanks happily and officially married.  J's family was quite respectful of the fact that we are newlyweds starting out on our careers and living two thousand miles from our nearest relatives, and after hearty congratulations, let us live our life in peace.  My family, or to be more precise, my grandmothers, did not waste a week before they both summarily told me that they want to be great-grandmothers, and at 29, I better get a move on it.  

Now I'm a planner and it seemed to be utter foolishness to go into baby making without some serious prep.  After months of talking about timing (didn't want the baby to be born while J was away), and our mental readiness, we came up with a start date:  June 2016. I bought a couple of pregnancy books, read them, and put a plan into action.  I started taking 400 IU's of folic acid, eating more fruits and vegetables, slowly lowering the amount of caffeine I drank, exercising more to get to my 'ideal' conception BMI.  Eventually, I started taking a full pre-natal pill and charting my period/ovulation.  By the time May rolled around, everything was in place, and I schedule my appointment to get my IUD out.  

For June, we planned our honeymoon: an amazing, five-day backpacking trip to Gates of the Arctic.  A time to relax, be alone, and to maybe make our first child (as luck would have it the ovulation dates lined up!)  The trip was everything I could have asked for in a honeymoon.  The sun did not set. The weather was (mostly) perfect.  And we fell asleep under the orange light filtering through our tent to the sound of a brook and birds singing every night.  

And then came the wait.  The dreaded TWW I had read about, but never before experienced.  Even though I read many wise ladies stories on what a bad idea it was to test early, I only made it 11 days before going to our local military hospital for a blood test.  It came out negative.  We were both disappointed by consoled ourselves thinking that maybe we were too early, or we could just try again next month.  Four days later (the actual day of my missed period) I took a test at home.  It was a VERY weak positive.  So weak in fact that both my husband and I wondered if we had convinced ourselves to see something that wasn't there.  So back to a hospital, and the news:  a weak positive, to be confirmed by a blood test later that day.

So now I'm scheduled for another blood test tomorrow, so see how my hCG levels have changed.  And at this point, it's been SIX weeks since the beginning of my last period.  Waiting two weeks was hard enough, but waiting almost four?  It's torture.  

So now we wait.  

I did want to say one more thing, to any ladies out there who are experiencing infertility, for those of you who have waited for a positive again and again: you are amazing.  I have the utmost respect for you and your ability to keep trying, to wait again, and I hope your miracle comes.  I know my few weeks wait must seem like nothing compared to what you've gone through.  I highly respect that.  Just know that I am a novice at this getting pregnant thing, and this post is more for those like me.  Women who try for the first time.  Women who thought a positive pregnancy test is a positive pregnancy test.  Women who are trying for the first time and did not realize how fluid and complex this whole thing was.  

Tomorrow, only 24 hours away.